Helena Bonham Carter is on my Dashboard

On August 24, 2012 by Greg

I know you all are dying to find out what I’m eating for lunch. But first, storytime. Are we all seated comfortably? Then we’ll begin.

Leaving work yesterday, Tom (you remember Tom) asked me if I wanted to avoid the HOV lanes. In a moment of hubris, I answered ‘no’. I was blissfully unaware of the monumental task ahead of me, but first I want to talk about voices.

Tom’s voice can be selected from a menu of several choices. When I first got the GPS, naturally I tried them all. I was not satisfied with the stock voices, so I searched and downloaded the voice of a British female. Now, I have the priviledge of imagining a miniature Helena Bonham Carter sitting on my dash giving me traffic reports. So when Tom (Helena) said ‘turn left, then join the motorway’, The sound of her voice must have lulled me into a happy place. I gladly accepted this task.

The first part of this assignment was deceptively easy.

I suddenly found myself in the fast lane of a rushing river of steel and petrol. The HOV lane (for those of you not familiar) means you must either have a passenger with you, or be a bus. Since I was neither of these, I was expected to quickly exit the HOV lane, traverse a billion lanes of traffic, and make my exit in the right lane. All of this within 1/2 mile. This is, of course, impossible.

Somehow, I did the impossible. (To reward myself, I’m thinking of a nice hearty lunch at Milliway’s)

Since I am once again on the subject of food, my friend Bob (hi Bob) has been on a “paleo diet” thing. He posts frequently about the wonders of not eating bread. I finally read one of the articles he linked to yesterday and found a lot more common sense than I had expected. I love me some bread and pasta, and apparently this is the main reason it’s so difficult to lose a few pounds. I know how hard it is to make drastic changes in life, so that’s not going to happen overnight. At the very least, I will have these ideas in mind while choosing which buffet items end up on my plate. I will try to shun bread, but I really need a substitute that equals the convenience of a sandwich.

I am thoroughly enjoying baked tilapia, bell peppers, and rice for lunch today.

In closing, let me just give a shout out to Verizon. Thanks so much for charging me for each text message and photo I send. Because of this I will not be showing any pretty photos of the Atlanta skyline today. Instead, here’s a mushroom we found growing in our yard.

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